My career scares me.
Losing that career scares me even more.
It is hard to equate success in the modern world we live in. When a digital following has become a social currency - success feels more accessible than it has ever done before. Yet that social currency doesn’t always equate to actual currency.
I’ve talked before about my feelings about being freelance. It is a visceral experience, it is a deep-rooted existence. For me, my feelings are split. It’s the only way I ever want to work. But it is also terrifying - making all the decisions, all the time - it is a massive leap of faith.
It also feels slightly out of reach. I go through busy and quiet phases - that’s natural. However, sometimes I feel like I’ve missed the boat. Like I’ve had my 15 minutes*, and that my career is done and dusted.
This brings me to Princess Superstar (PSS), and the song Perfect (Exceeder). This is a remix of her song, Perfect, which reached No. 3 in the U.K. in 2007. Ministry of Sound took the acapella vocals and placed them on Mason’s Exceeder. They then cast dancers in the music video - PSS was not asked to appear. This created a huge disconnect in her career - leading to a drought - and fear that her career was over.
Fast forward to 2023/24 and Perfect was featured in Emerald Fennel’s Saltburn - after that bath scene - and is a hit once again. In perfect 2024 style (see what I did there) PSS took to TikTok to connect with fans old and new - and discussed how an artist's career can fluctuate.
This has been a prominent reminder that I don’t need to achieve all my goals right now - to have ebb and flow, is a good thing. To have faith - but also to leave space to still create regardless of a criterion of output. Success is what we make it after all.
So this year I am losing my fear of not achieving it all today, and realising that in many ways whatever my career looks like, as long as it serves me - it will always be perfect just as it is.
*of success - not of fame.
