Gender Affirming Limbo

I am having laser hair removal on my face and upper chest. I have been pretty open about it; there's nothing to hide, really. In fact, I hope sharing this process will help other people.

I spent a long time considering the process, weighed it up, and decided that it was the best thing for me.

The pain would be worth it.

The length (months of treatment) would be worth it.

The aftercare would be worth it.

What I hadn’t considered was the results. I mean the results during the process. From my first session onwards, I had visible results.

That meant less facial hair, a win!

Yet, less hair means that the hair that is left, to me at least, is more visible. The empowerment I feel - of blasting the hair follicles into oblivion - is undermined by the way I feel in this process. Not yet where I want to be, new, uncomfortable feelings from the in between.

The process of gender affirming choices is often presented to us as before and after. There is often less conversation about the in between, how we exist as these things take place.

When I was younger, I remember my parents having a loft conversion for their bungalow. We lived in a building site for what felt like an age. Life carried on, but with significant alterations and inconvenience. Life lived in limbo if you will.

I feel like I am in limbo now.

It isn’t that deep, but also it is?

I am on the necessary path, moving towards a goal I know will improve my life tenfold. However, what I never considered was how hard it can be to exist on that path during the process. I hadn’t considered it, even with the research.

So I offer this, not as a cautionary tale, but more as awareness. There is no easy route; there is always a payoff.

No one told me about the gender affirming limbo, so I am talking about it because it has to be taken into consideration.

Knowing what I know, not yet in the ‘after’, but having moved out of ‘before’, I know this would still be the right thing for me. I just think more readiness for this limbo period would have been helpful. Which is the whole point of this content - to make you aware if you are considering anything like this.