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©2016-2020

Ben Pechey

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  • Ben Pechey

The Power of True Love


Oh hello darling and welcome to the final post of compassion month, today I want to talk about something very close to my heart and that is permission, particularly the way that societal expectations cohabit with my wardrobe.


As a plus-size person that very happily sits in the mid to high end of the spectrum of sizes, dressing is a joy. I love the challenge of traversing the shape of my body, mixing in my identity and showing the world who I am. Dressing should be like this for everyone, and there are some days when I think this could be a reality.



However, there are days when this is not the case, and this includes so many of us that sit outside societies’ perception of what normal should look like. If you internalise any of the rhetoric out there and believe me, it’s just around the corner on social media, you will soon think that being plus-size is a negative mark against you.


As with so many of the issues that I talk about here, there is always an argument. For the plus-size community, it is the fear that we are all unhealthy, and getting ready to step off this mortal coil via causing a massive strain on the NHS. Don’t for one second think that anyone bringing up health concerns is actually:


1. medically qualified to state whether we are at higher risk of diabetes than someone smaller than us


2. worth listening to at all



If you can get through this unscathed, then you might just be left in peace to have a comfortable relationship with yourself. Yet there are days, especially when it comes to the way I see my body, I feel constrained by society's view of me. This is perpetuated by the lack of plus-size role models used by actual brands. Sure we can find our own icons, but why should larger bodies work harder to find relatability in this world? Perhaps it’s all a wicked scheme by brands to make us all lose weight?


Well, sod that, absolutely fuck right off. In 2020, I will not dress how society wants me too, I will always be 100% me. We are talking cropped tops so you can see our stomachs, form-fitting garments so you can see our curves, outfits that layer details in a way that doesn’t even attempt to look 'slimming', and whatever else we want to wear. We make the rules Brenda, so shove your weight loss comments up your boney arse.



There is no prescriptive way for anyone to present themselves, yet so many of us feel a pressure to hide ourselves away, and that will not do. I want you to embrace your body, and allow it to experience all the things it wants to. We don’t have to dress to flatter, we don’t have to hide our curves and we especially do not need to change who we are. There is a huge amount of power in claiming your space with pride, and this is the mood I urge you to adopt.


*Alexa play I Am What I Am by Gloria Gaynor*


Oh and by the way, if you are a basic brand with zero plus size representation, and we mean bigger than a 14, then we need you to do better, or bugger off!


Thank you so much for joining me all month long for compassion month, I really hope you have found the compassion you need! I will back next week, with a brand new month of content, until then, I love you lots like jelly tots, uh buh bye.



Shot by Rachel Pechey


Shop My Lewk:

Jumper: H&M X Pringle, check availability

Dress: ASOS Curve

Jeans: Marks and Spencer

Shoes: Converse X JW Anderson, similar

Earrings: Lisa Angel via Tom Loves