Recently, as I’ve come to write, especially for social media, I’ve asked myself why.
Why are you still writing long form, when you know most people don’t have the attention span? Why are you sharing your personal life, when you hate the feeling of oversharing? Why do you turn up, when clearly algorithmic patterns are working against you?
I’ve sat and pondered, really thought about whether I should keep going, should I even bother? Maybe I missed the boat, and my online career is tanking.
At these moments, if I’m not crying to my therapist, I’m baffled by my ability to catastrophise everything and fall apart. When this happens, getting out of bed can feel like getting to the base camp of Everest.
Yet, that in itself can offer some comfort, the reason we need to get out of bed. For some people it is commitment; work, family, and obligations. For others; it is to say that we did it, and to be happy with that. So in the headspace of 'I should give up', I ask myself why I get out of bed.
The answer to that question has been and always will be to help people. I set up my corner of the internet to have a place to share my voice, without anyone else dictating the terms of how or what I share.
In the beginning this help had less meaning, perhaps was more throwaway. However, now it has an urgency, the small position I have, I use at every opportunity and level to help the trans community, and the wider LGBTQIA+ community.
It’s easy to see why I may be disheartened, at every turn a trans person is being demonised in the press, the government is rampantly trying to reverse what little rights we have, and it is harder and harder to see a future for myself or the wider community.
But!!! I know I can help, every day on the internet I can see a small impact. Every sale of my book makes a difference to the reader. With every corporation I work with, employees are learning to be better allies to the community. I do and am doing a good job. To give up is to let the transphobia win.
To get out of bed, even when it’s all I can do, is to be defiant in the face of all that stands against us. So I chose to do just that - to help us all survive this world, and maybe even live comfortably in it too. Thats why I get out of bed...
Shot by Ruth Pechey