February is the month of love on benpechey.com. You can thank Valentine's day for that, the pinnacle of the heteronormative love calendar.
As I sit at my keyboard to write this, I reflect on the things that have brought me here. A good place to start is here. Here is now. 2019 is the year that I am focusing on my relationship with me. This covers love, my career and my place in the world. 2018 was not the best year of my life, sure it had some highlights but it was a struggle.
So far in 2019, I feel that I have brought positive energy to myself. This has come from a refinement in my approach to my relationships. I have done a few things which have helped, which have happened naturally and also consciously.
Firstly I deleted all of the dating apps I had. I honestly thought that in 2018 that they would help me stop being single. I thought that they were the answer to my problem. They only brought me more problems. I couldn’t tell you a single positive experience from those apps. I could tell you plenty of negative ones. But that is another post.
So on January the 1st, I deleted every single one. Now 6 weeks on, I no longer have that odd sensation my stomach. I no longer get harassed for not replying, or for being too young/old, not trans, for being too feminine and the list goes on. So you can see that getting rid of these apps have erased a whole chunk of negativity in my life. It has also freed up a lot of time.
This time has been put to use, never fear. I am now using the time to read. Seriously, the time I used to spend swiping right, blocking people and generally feeling miserable now gives me the time to sink myself into wonderful words. Thank you Cat, for all of your recommendations.
The other thing that has happened this year, is a reevaluation of my relationships with other people. Through no choice of my own, a few people moved further away from me emotionally. This was not a negative thing and isn’t something that I took too personally. Thus a new development in my life gave me more time for me. So I have spent the time focusing on me and strengthening the emotional wellbeing of myself.
You may have noticed that I like to reflect on quotes, and this is a great one from entrepreneur and businesswoman Hannah Bronfman “Don't forget to tell yourself positive things daily! You must love yourself internally to glow externally”. I have found that in just a few short weeks not having to focus on someone else has given me the time to focus on me.
This is not a call to arms, to cut people from your life. Instead, if someone suggests that they have less time for you, use that time wisely. This post is titled Moving on Up, a song from M People in 1993. Their words seem just as poignant in 2019.
“I’m movin' on up now. Getting out of the darkness. My light shines on.”
Instead of seeing someone else’s emotional needs as a negative comment on you. See it as their right, but also see it as an opportunity for you to grow. I have done this, as it would be so easy to feel negative emotions, but instead, have seen it as an opportunity for personal growth.
So in this month of love, I offer you a sentiment that no one would ever print in a card. Love who you are, focus on you and make sure that your star shines. Keep your trajectory up, and in short, make sure that you are Movin’ on Up.
Shot by Rachel Pechey
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Earrings: John Lewis and Partners, Similar