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  • Writer's pictureBen Pechey

I’m a Music fan Fraud

I’m a music fan fraud.

There I said it. I have felt this way for the longest time.

I am a huge fan of so many artists. Kylie, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Janet Jackson, Grace Jones, Paula Abdul, and so many more. The list is extensive. The listening time is huge. As a writer and creative human, music is a vital part of any output I make. I simply cannot create in silence. Music is with me at every step of the process when it comes to making anything.

I cannot write without music. I don’t care if there are words or not - words don’t seem to affect me when it comes to writing. I use music to drown out the world around me, to tune into the writing process that happens inside me. Without music; I could not do what I do.

But there is just one thing that I hold onto - which makes me feel like a fraud when it comes to being a fan of music. I have never heard any artist play live. The most I have ever heard live is a rendition of Happy Birthday in a restaurant that caused me to hide immediately. I have never been to a gig, festival, or even a small artist's show. Real fans rack up countless shows, and tours - but not me.

One of the main reasons for this is my anxiety.

Live music puts such a fear into me, that I have never been able to face any live event. I worry about the people, the crush, not being able to leave, not being able to sit down, not being able to hear myself think, and so many other logistical things. Also being sung at, has and always will make me cry. I am comfortable with crying in public - I do it on a weekly basis, but it adds to the panic that I think I would already feel.

So these feelings of being a fraud are something that I am sitting with. Which means I come to you with some questions to tackle my feeling of fraud;

Can I say I am a lover of music if I have never seen it live?

How can I work with my anxiety to maybe see an artist live?

What venues are good for anxious/panic-attack-prone people?

Who have you seen that you loved?

Let's see what we can do to crack this fear!


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