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  • Writer's pictureBen Pechey

The voice of Doubt

This whole month I have been discussing the theme of content creation, the idea of image and reflecting on my journey so far. I wonder though if all of this feels very temporary, and in my pursuit of constant creation, have I forgotten to celebrate what I have achieved?

Recently I was blessed with a Face-time with a friend that lasted over 3 hours, in that call we discussed a myriad of things, and one of us slowly melted under the influence of Baileys - spoiler alert, it wasn’t me! That call was a breath of fresh air, and because I am me, I took a lot from it.

It may surprise you, but when it comes to my achievements, I can’t always see the positive impact they have had on me. Instead of stopping to celebrate, I buy a one-way ticket to the dark town of Doubt. Along the way we stop at the village Comparison, the inner-city area of I’m-not-good-enough and there is an at-seat trolley service providing convenient helpings of anxiety.

I don’t care how confident people appear, no one is impervious from the effects of self-sabotage, and to feel these things is normal. However, to let these feelings rule your head and warp your perspective of your success is damaging. I appreciate the irony of being able to offer you advice but being unable to take it myself.

I get countless messages asking me how to boost self-worth, and increase the ability to love yourself. One of the techniques I come back to is listing your achievements somewhere you can refer to easily. Whether that be on your phone, or in a notebook you use daily. Having a list of the things you are proud of, is a great way to pacify the voice of doubt in your head.

I thought to round out this month, I would share some of the things that this year have made me proud.

I shared my experiences with Women’s Health for their April issue, documenting what it means to be Non-Binary in 2020. Seeing my words in NATIONAL PRINT is such a validating feeling as a writer, and I will always treasure this.

I worked with mental health signposting service Healthy Minds to promote mental health services available in the Bradford and Craven Area. Helping young people protect their mental health is SO important to me.

I created resources for Lucy&Yak during Mental Health Awareness Week, a brand I have wanted to work with for so long. Being trusted to create content is such an honour and has been such a wonderful experience.

I created video content for a World Health Organisation campaign to help people with their Mental Health during the peak of the Covid-19 pandemic.

I wrote about treating Non-Binary people with respect on Grindr for sex blog Hot Octopus. I don’t often talk about this side of my life, so it was a wonderful experience, and my fellow freelancers will appreciate that they paid SUPER FAST.

Creating Word of the Week For the love of Queers has been such a passion project that brings education to so many people weekly. I never want to stop making these videos, and I adore the working relationship I have with Spencer Cooper.

Modelling for the Lucy&Yak X Wednesday Holmes t-shirt collection was amazing, I don’t think of myself as a model, but I said yes to offer representation, all queer bodies are beautiful. It was also the first time I shot with my Mum behind the camera, I think we’re a great team.

Oliver Bonas is another brand that I have adored for YEARS, and creating content for their Pride at Home series was a delight and a joy. The team are also a dream to work with, and I had a blast.

When the divine team at Matalan reached out to be part of their Pride campaign with LEGEND Dom&Ink I jumped at it, sharing my words, style and experiences were wonderful. Also, my Dom&Ink illustration is the best thing I have ever seen - a true 2020 highlight.

Writing this has filled me with confidence I haven’t felt for so long, so if you ever feel the pull of the voice of doubt, check the list of your achievements, and blow the negative energy away with your excellence! Thank you so much for joining me today, until next time, uh buh bye…

Shot by Ruth Pechey


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