Am I too responsible?
Welcome back to responsibility month, so far we have discussed the idea that we have the responsibility to ourselves to be kind to ourselves to protect our mental health. Last week I talked about the responsibility we have for our planet. Today I want to talk about another meaning of the word.
In the Collins English Dictionary, the word responsible has this definition;
Responsible people behave properly and sensibly, without needing to be supervised.
That is me, I have in reality for the last 10 years not needed to be supervised.
I am an incredibly safe person. I take very few risks, seriously I don’t know how people do it! I don’t drink - never have, and class myself as teetotal. I don’t smoke, never have and never will; no matter how sexy Phoebe Waller-Bridge looks doing it. I am a horrific over thinker so never do anything spontaneously, I cannot remember the last time I just did something.
I plan out my day so that from the get-go I know what is going on. I HATE wasting time so I never know when to stop. Today, the day I’m sat writing this is a day I have booked a holiday for, and I have put three articles to bed and planned another 6 weeks of content. I had no plans, so I made sure I was busy.
If you are looking for some sense of overarching argument or point here, don’t worry it is coming.
Sat writing this, and since I put vague ideas in my notebook a couple of weeks ago, I am worried that I am too responsible. Have I missed out on the fun, have I inadvertently made bad choices?
I remember watching a documentary on the year Galliano spent at Givenchy before moving to Dior. Karl Lagerfeld said that he admired John’s spirit for partying and having fun, saying that it is better to have fun whilst you are young, otherwise you will go crazy when you are settled (or something to that effect).
Those words have played on my mind, and at 25 I worry if I have spent too much time being responsible? If I could go back and change what would I do differently? Well in reality probably nothing, I think that maybe my need for routine, safety and normality is my need for comfort.
Feeling out of my depth, which tends to come with situations with the hallmarks of irresponsible behaviour, is something I hate. I will always remove myself from situations that make me uncomfortable. There are a great many successful people that are as sensible as me, and they seem to be doing just okay.
So what this boils down too, is that I need to stop worrying about other people, and just do what makes me feel comfortable. Yes, I am responsible, but in a good way.
Good for me!
Shot by Rachel Pechey
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