My Inner Child is in an iPod

I’ve recently been using my iPod classic from 2008 as my music on-the-go tool. I guess I want to rely on my phone less, have less of a distraction in my hand. Either way, it’s been in ears for over a month, and it has brought up some thoughts.

My iPod is a time capsule of what my life sounded like from 2008-2016. It feels like a lifetime ago, indeed I’ve shed many versions of myself since.

Amongst Tina Turner, Madonna, and Kylie are forgotten relics of teenage Ben; Glee albums, La Roux, Little Boots and so many more.

I thought I’d feel disconnected, out of sync, and maybe even a little embarrassed by my teenage choices. Instead, I find myself, 15 years on still enjoying it. In fact it almost feels like an old friend, a well worn pair of gloves, your chosen seat on the bus; comfortable and familiar.

I worried that the version of myself, who ripped all of these songs from CDs in the 2010s, was so far removed from who I am today, that somehow I wouldn’t recognise myself. I know I may not have had the language of identity, nor the agency over my own sense of self. But, I also know that version of me needed to exist, to create me today.

This iPod feels like an advent calendar of self, opening new doors and being surprised by what’s behind it. Musically, I am revisiting the transcripts of my past, and building a fuller picture of who I’ve always been. It has been eye opening, surprising, but also so cozy.

I am not a spiritual person, but I do think about my inner child often. My inner child is who I do so much for, to appease & heal so much of the misery I had to grow through. Picking up my iPod has reconnected me to myself, and it is so lovely. I feel more myself than I was just a few months ago. Maybe you have an iPod with a younger version of yourself in a drawer begging to meet you again, and you should definitely charge it up, and listen deeply.