• Ben Pechey

Platonic Queer Relationships


Oh hello, darling! Welcome to May on benpechey.com. This month, the focus will be on unspoken feelings. Conversations I have alone, that perhaps you may have with yourself too. These are the conversations that if we heard from other people, would make us feel more at ease in the turbulent world in which we live. Today I would love to explore Platonic Queer Relationships.


When we talk about relationships in the LGBTQIA community, we often assume this is in regards to sexuality. We associate it with phrases like LOVE IS LOVE. This is of course a very valid part of many people’s identities and indeed lives. However, this dialogue does overlook the other relationships that exist in our community.



Platonic - if you’re unfamiliar - refers to intimate or affectionate relationships that are not sexual. It is a lovely way to describe a really strong friendship. We see narratives of friendship in the queer community, but this is oft tempered with a sexual undercurrent.


Platonic is the removal of any sexual undercurrent. It is important to remind the wider world that queer people don’t jump into bed with everyone - which is a stereotype portrayed in the media. We are also a connected map of platonic relationships.


Platonic relationships are what I would refer to as our chosen family. These are the people who get us and love us for who we are without question. I think I had perhaps underestimated the importance of these relationships. It wasn’t something I ever thought my life would depend upon.


The pandemic has forced many of us back to family homes. The removal of our physical queer support systems has caused many of us to experience trauma that we thought we had long since surpassed. It is strange, but when you are the only queer person you interact with, it can be very isolating.


The relationships I have forged during lockdown have been the fundamental reason my living situation and mental health have not caused me more pain than it has. Without regular calls and facetime, I would not have coped. This has been my connection to the community. The lifeline I have needed in the toughest year of my life.


The platonic nature of these relationships has been the balm I have needed. There is something very special that a relationship is safe - without pressure. In the back of my head, this is something I have always known. It took a shock to the system like the pandemic for me to wake up to the special role platonic queer relationships play in my own life.


We overlook the importance of platonic relationships in our queer communities. In a post-pandemic world, this is something we can do no longer. It would be lovely to see more platonic relationships being spoken about, celebrated and represented in our media. They save lives and make the LGBTQIA community a better and stronger place to be.


Thank you for joining me today my darlings. As always, I love you lots like jelly tots, until next time, uh buh bye.


Shot by Rachel Pechey