• Ben Pechey

The Smallness of Life


Life of late has become smaller.


I have been feeling underwhelmed, under-stimulated and overwrought with pent up feelings.


Things feel more disappointing, less fulfilling and over far too soon.


Life has begun to feel like sugar-free sweets - full of promise, but in the end, makes you feel empty - and sometimes gives you stomach issues.


I have been sat pondering all the reasons for this. My first instinct is always personal introspection. My default is always to blame myself. Therapy has opened up wounds of self-loathing and guilt that can be traced back through decades of personal issues. However, during a very sleepless night, I realised something; this is not my fault, and if you have been feeling a similar way, it is not your fault either!





We’re entering our third year of a global pandemic. The economy is literally in the toilet. In the UK, our government is perhaps one of the most incompetent we have had in living memory. The expectation to cope and carry on in the face of so much upheaval is simply ridiculous at best, and barbaric at worst.


If this was a film, none of us would be still trying to cope with all this rubbish, we would have all gone into survival mode. So whilst I am fed up with feeling like a balloon that’s been forgotten for three weeks, it is better to know why we might feel like this. Of course, this is not enough, and perhaps in the here and now to expect more seems silly. To find some joy in this mess we are existing in, it is important to find ways to help boost how we feel.





Maintain your boundaries darling

A month in and already this year has not been straightforward, however, one constant has been my immovable stance on my boundaries. When you feel flat and deflated, there is nothing worse than someone else taking what remaining air there is in the room. I will always chant this at people I love - which includes you - but you have to PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Say no, and move on, simple.


Find ways to brace expectations

We are living in the time of last-minute cancellations, whether it’s meetings, parties, Amazon orders or holidays, you name it, it can all disappear in a blink of an eye. Sometimes life is unfair in this way, but it shouldn’t stop you. Finding different ways to fulfil the gaps when they arise is a good way of maintaining your homeostasis. This will be different for all of us, for me, it is taking daily things and making them into decadent moments of pleasure. Think of a cup of tea as a ritual, or a silly walk around your home town, an inspiration work trip. Add shine to everyday moments, and you might just feel a little brighter.


Giving in is not Giving Up

The days where the pervasive mood is bleh, nothing feels possible, and you’ve been procrastinating for 3 hours, are the worst. I have found that trying to make yourself focus and get on with it, is a bad idea. Give up on it when you feel like this, and give yourself a break, that is what your body is asking for. You’re not giving up, you’re simply being kind - which is so necessary.





I am not an optimist by nature, but I am sure we will not be left in this messy moment forever. For now, we all need to be kinder to ourselves and go from there!


Thanks for joining me this week, and I hope it helped you. I will be back next week to explore the worst advice I’ve ever given. As always, I love you lots like jelly tots, until next time, uh buh bye.


Images shot by Rachel Pechey