Oh hello darling and welcome to my annual Birthday Post. This is the one chance a year when I get to look at the changes that entering a new age category has had for me. This year I am entering my 25th year, yes I have reached my Silver Anniversary, MY QUARTER OF A CENTURY.
In years passed I have reflected on the growth, and the feeling towards my age, but this year I have decided to take a different approach. Yes this year I am looking at the way I feel about age, how fashion feels about age, what the queer community feels about age, and everything in between.
I have actually sat and worried about being 25 since the day of my 24th birthday. It has felt like a big departure from my early twenties. Which in reality it is not, and that in a sense I have wrapped by self up in knots for nothing. In reality age is just a number, something to be disregarded.
Yet as I sit here talking about this, I can see all my worries about age flashing before me. I worry that I should have done more by 25, as there are people at 19 with bigger careers than myself. This is something that I know so many people struggle with. I have spoken at length about in one of my episodes of the happy place. Any form of comparison is incredibly bad for us.
So once that has left my mind, I have focused on the other aspects that another year on this earth brings. One is losing my hair. I know that sounds stupid, but my hair is a huge part of my strength, and my identity. Someone close to me suggested that my hair might be receding, which of course FREAKED ME OUT. I already have greys, and so another sign of my mortality on this earth really scared me.
Of course I know that the end comes to us all, but no one wants to be reminded of that fact EVERY DAY WHEN WE LOOK IN THE MIRROR.
Talking of looking in the mirror, I have more fine and less fine lines on my face. I guess that is what you get when you smile and frown a lot. I have a very expressive face, which means I do get lines and dimples. I worry about how my face is going to age with me. I am a vain person, I have no shame in admitting that. What I fear more than anything is hating the way I look.
In a nutshell I feel that the rate of time passing and ageing, goes quicker than we can adjust. So whilst we all go through the same processes, it is the time it takes for us to come to terms with that, that will inform our feelings.
I am scared of loosing what I love, I am scared of dying, I’m scared on not being. Age in itself is nothing to be scared of, being older is not the end of the world. I think that’s society shuns age, because collectively we all fear death so much, we chose not to see the our own signs of mortality.
The fact that we all will eventually step off the buss of life is an equaliser, as far as we know there is no cure to the human affliction. So in fearing age, we remind ourselves, of death daily. Yet if we embraced age, we would embrace LIFE, and the simple joy of being alive.
I vow from now on to stop seeing my age as a disadvantage. I will celebrate my age, because it means I’m alive. I urge you all to do the same.
Thank you for joining me today, I will see you next week to discuss agism in the fashion industry...
Shot by Rachel Pechey
Shop my Lewk:
Jumpsuit: ASOS Curve
Tee: Vintage
Trainers: Primury
Sunglasses: Glamorous, Similar
Earrings: Jenifer Loiselle