• Ben Pechey

In defence of being single


As a longterm singleton, I’ve got this covered...

Online a lot of people will turn their hand to write about anything, without having any real life experience. This can lead to unhelpful and wishy washy journalism, see cis people writing about Trans issues. Now for this article, I have complied my 24 years of experience, so you know it is well researched and backed up with cold hard facts.

Yes I am single.

I have no shame in this fact, and didn’t even think this was really an issue. However, that was until we had a summer of reality television that pushed the idea of LOVE and COUPLES. ITV2’s Love Island and MTV’s True Love Or True Lies? forced the idea that in order to function and be part of normal society we are expected to either actively searching for the one, or already be in a couple.

Not to be dramatic, but this is kind of vile. It promotes the idea that single people are inadequate. It suggests that we are not looking hard enough for love, because that magic ‘one’ is out there for us, we just aren’t doing enough. Also these shows don’t seem to care for the longevity of the relationships, just that we must all be in one.

Off the bat, I must disclose; that I do not believe in soul mates, love at first sight and ‘the one’. That is all utter bullshit. However, that is not to say that the idea of being in a relationship repulses me. It doesn’t, I just don’t need to be with someone to validate my identity, I am MORE than enough.

Being single isn’t the Bridget Jones sad world of despair, eat all the food in the house reality that the media likes to promote. In fact it is much like coupled life, except I get to make all the decisions. My life is more flexible, there is less compromise and is easier to negotiate.

Quite a lot of people always say ‘well aren’t you lonely?’, well yes, there are some points when loneliness is an aspect to contend with. However, that is not every waking moment of my life. As long as your relationship with yourself is healthy I don’t see why you need someone else.

There are the other aspects that being in a relationship offers. To that I suggest that love doesn’t need to be physicalised. Sex is not the be all and all, and of course we all know that you don’t need to be in a relationship for this anyway. However, I honestly think you can get love from other relationships, such as with friends or with yourself. The traditional idea that passion and excitement can only come with that special one person you have chosen, is a little outdated. I feel fulfilled without a relationship.

At this juncture, the closing paragraph, I need to say that I am happy defending being single, because I am happy being single. Please don’t for a second think that if you are single and are looking for a relationship that I automatically hate you, I don’t, in fact I wish you luck. What I am getting at really is that mass media make single people feel uncomfortable, and in reality we are just as happy as coupled people.

We are not social pariahs, we are normal people, just without a plus one.

Shot by Rachel Pechey

Shop my look:

Blazer: Unique 21 via ASOS

Top: ASOS Curve

Trousers: ASOS***

Shoes: ASOS, very very old

Earrings: Monki

Sunglasses: Gucci

***please do not buy these trousers I have had to return, repurchase and return again as the fabric is SO rubbish***


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Ben Pechey

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